Mental Health - the importance and understanding

Hello again everyone, welcome to another brand new post! I'm not sure where this sudden inspiration has come from but i'm hoping it continues! Apologies for the long title of this post but this one is quite an important and personal one for me. Today's post is going to be about mental health and the importance of it and understanding it. Now, i'm in no way an expert on mental health and I won't pretend to be either. But as it's something i've suffered with personally and know of others, including some of my best friends, who have suffered in some way, I feel as though I can shed some light on the topic in the form of my own experiences and opinions. I promise this isn't intending to be a negative post, i'm hoping for it to possibly be something positive and, if I can inspire or reach even at least one person, that'll make me happy! I won't waffle on in this intro any longer and I hope you all like the post!

To start off, I just want to talk a little bit about my own personal mental health. I didn't have a good experience at school, I was bullied badly - verbally and occasionally physically - almost every day for 5 years. To this day, I still have no idea why, but I guess no one ever really knows why they become a "victim" of bullies. Maybe because I was quiet? Maybe because I kept to myself? Maybe I was just an easy target? Who knows. But what I do know is that it was an awful experience and I truly wouldn't wish something like that upon anyone. Eventually, I ended up being scared to go to school and i'd be in tears every single day before and after school. Being bullied did lower my self esteem and my confidence, i've always been quite shy but this definitely worsened me. My parents did at one point consider taking me out of school and having me home schooled so I wouldn't be in that environment, but I muddled on, still at the same school, same thing happening. I ended up hating everything about myself so took to self harm when I was around 15/16, for me that was a way of coping I guess. Harming myself on the outside gave me a way of of relieving the hurt and self hatred I felt on the inside. I'd keep my arms covered even in the summer so people wouldn't see. I also had my first suicide attempt mid way through my GCSE's aged 16. I have had another few failed attempts since aswell.

Once I left school and started college I thought "great, new start, new people, maybe now is my time to get away from all the bullying" - this was sadly proved wrong. I was made to feel like an outsider by people I considered to be my friends. I used to hear people talking and laughing about me when they didn't know I could hear them. I think this potentially hurt more than school. People I thought of as friends bitching and making me feel even worse. I put up with this for a further 4 years at two separate colleges and two separate and completely different courses. 9 years in total I put up with it all. I didn't only put up with it during education, I've also put up with it in different work places - one for almost 5 years.

In June last year (23rd June, 2017 to be precise), 6 years after leaving school where all my problems stemmed from, I finally went to the doctors and spoke to someone about my feelings for the first time. 6 years of feeling low every day, anxious, suicidal etc. I ended up being diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Looking back, I do wish i'd had the courage to speak up before, but at least I now know of ways I can help myself - if and when I choose to seek out that help. I know that so many people potentially have it worse than I do which is why I now know just how important it is to speak up if you don't feel 'yourself'. There's always going to be something that can help you to feel 'okay' again even for a little while - for me that has always been listening to music. It has that power to calm me down, lift me up and help me to forget my problem's for a short time.

Onto the next part of this post - the importance of mental health. Personally, I think mental health quite often gets overlooked and ridiculed. People think it's not real and that it's just "in your head". Wrong. Mental health is VERY real and it is a subject that matters to so many people and needs to be taken more seriously. It can be hard enough for a person to cope with mental health without having a certain stigma and discrimination attached to it and it really is time this ended. Mental health is so much more common than we may realise with statistics showing 1 in 4 people will experience at least one diagnosable problem at some stage in their life and around 615 million people suffer from a form of depression or anxiety. According to the Mental Health foundation, 70 million workdays are lost every year due to mental health in the UK alone.

Mental Health exists in so many forms other than just depression and anxiety, personality disorders, eating disorders and so many more come under the same category and none of which are a joke. I think what people don't realise is that mental health is just as important as physical health. It can be exhausting and draining and there can be days where a person doesn't wish to get out of bed or leave the house. It can also hit at any time, it's not the same as just falling over and hurting yourself. It can act up at random points for no reason whatsoever and it is difficult to understand which is another reason I personally think it's so important.

Mental health affects a person emotionally, pshycologically and in some cases, physically. It can affect the way we react to or handle certain situations, how we relate to another person and how we make choices in life. It's not easy to understand if you personally haven't gone through it. Being honest, I don't think it's that easy to understand even if you have suffered in some way. But it is important to remember that even if you may not necessarily understand a persons feelings, supporting them is a key factor to helping them. Even just listening or offering a shoulder to cry on can help a person in so many ways. You may not always know what to say but offering that support can be a key factor to helping someone.

For me and so many others, mental health is such an important subject and I can only hope that one day, it's taken just as seriously as physical health. I spoke to a few people I trusted before I finally had the courage to speak to a doctor, i'm still a long way from where i'd like to be, but with help and support, hopefully one day, I may get there. If you ever don't feel yourself, please talk to someone - even if it's a friend or family member you trust - talk to someone. And if you do get the courage to seek the professional help and advice, please do take that chance, it'll benefit you in the long run and one day, you'll see it was worth it.

Thank you for reading this post, I hope i've managed to do some justice to the topic and shed a bit of light on the importance of mental health. Remember, always speak up and I promise you are never alone and it's okay not to be okay.

See you all soon for another brand new post!
                              Love Beki x

2018 Wishlist

Hello again everyone, another brand new post time! As you may hopefully be able to tell, i've had a little inspiration (and time) recently for 3 brand new posts and i'm keeping my fingers crossed this lasts throughout the year! In today's post, i'm going to share with you my '2018 wishlist' - hence the title - where i'll share what I want to achieve, do, see, where I would like to travel or aim toward travelling to or just any goals/ambitions i'd like to start to work toward during 2018. If you read my 2nd most recent post, I apologise if this repeats/overlaps in any way, but none the less - I hope you enjoy!

 I'm going to be realistic in this post, i'm not going to say things like wanting to 'get over' my depression and anxiety, because mental health isn't something you can just get over, it takes time but I definitely do want to work on it more this year. So what really do I want to achieve this year? Well, i'm not really 100% sure. I think one of the main things is definitely work. I'm not necessarily saying I want to be in a new job by the end of the year but I definitely would like to feel more appreciated and learn and achieve more work wise in whatever way I can, and if that means looking for and potentially getting a new job, then so be it!

I'd like to aim toward becoming a better blogger and posting more often. I want to post whenever I can and not worry about what others opinions of it are. It's something I enjoy doing so why shouldn't I take it a bit more seriously and be proud of it?! I'm definitely going to start reading and following more blogs too - never know what inspiration I may find by doing that.

2018 is also the year I definitely want to travel more - I know this sounds the 'typical' thing to say but it's something I would like to do. I want to see more of the world and have already got a couple of trips planned - they just need to be finalised but they're definitely looking exciting! I can't go to as many places as i'd like but I can definitely use this year to plan some future trips! If anyone has any tips or ideas on where I should go, please do let me know as i'd love to hear any suggestions!

I'd also like to potentially start up a youtube channel. This is something i've thought about for a long time and have attempted to give it a go before but never really followed through. I guess that's just the fear of failing, the fear of just being awful at it or no one being interested, but i'm planning on giving it a go at least, as the saying goes "you never know unless you try".

All in all I am hoping for 2018 to be a good year. It's only mid January but it's already been a bit of a mix of ups and downs but hey, nothing is ever going to be perfect and no year is ever going to be perfect. We have to be the ones to make our days, weeks, months or years as good as they can be and that's what i'm hoping to do this year!

I hope you all enjoyed this post and thank you so much for reading! Please let me know your thoughts and what your ambitions/goals for 2018 are! I'll hopefully be  back soon with another post.

                                                          Love Beki  x

A Day in London...

Hey again everyone, welcome back to another brand new post and it's close to the previous one - starting as I hope to continue throughout the year! So, in today's post, i'm going to be talking a little bit about my day in London with my friend Fleur recently - hope you enjoy!

Last Thursday (4th January) I went into London to spend the afternoon with my friend Fleur - a chance for us to have a catchup and my first outing of 2018. We didn't get up to too much but sometimes, that's the best kind of day. 

Once we met we headed to Planet Hollywood for a lovely lunch - okay I had a burger and chips so not exactly the healthiest of meals but it was damn tasty! After lunch finished we headed to Covent Garden for a bit to have a wander and it still looked super pretty and christmassy - i'm that person who definitely wishes it was acceptable to have christmas decorations up all year round as I just love them so much. I love exploring Covent Garden and especially the high end makeup shops they have. I decided to treat myself for a change and finally brought a Charlotte Tilbury lipstick in the shade 'Pillow Talk'. This is such a nice colour, it's a nudey type shade so it can be worn as an every day go-to lipstick and it goes on so nicely and just feels and looks so nice on. I love it and will definitely be purchasing another Charlotte Tilbury lipstick - if anyone has any suggestions on which shade to consider please let me know!

We also went to the cinema to see The Greatest Showman and my god what an INCREDIBLE film that is! It's a movie musical and every single song is wonderful and super catchy - i'd highly recommend downloading the soundtrack so you can enjoy it too! The Greatest Showman follows the life and story of P.T Barnum and the first ever circus. The film features the likes of Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, Michelle Williams, Zendaya and so many others. I mean, any film with Hugh Jackman is obviously going to be amazing - he's by far one of the most talented actors around and he does not disappoint in this film. His acting, singing and dancing all absolutely wonderful and he's just phenomenal. Its also SO good to see Zac Efron doing a musical again. Another who doesn't disappoint and his talents just shine through (and obviously he's pretty easy on the eye also which always helps). Michelle Williams is fabulous, this is the first i've heard of her but I absolutely loved her, and Zendaya is also hugely talented and it's so nice to see her in a big movie and she absolutely shines.

I also HAVE to talk about Keala Seattle. WHAT. A. VOICE!!! I'll admit i've not heard of her before this movie but she's absolutely incredible. I'm in complete awe of her voice, especially during the song 'This is Me' - if there's one song on the soundtrack everyone needs to listen to, it has to be that one. It's an incredibly powerful and inspiring song and to me, it has that message to try and teach people to be proud of who you are. The lyrics speak for themselves in the chorus saying "when the sharpest words wanna cut me down, gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out, I am brave, I am bruised, I am who i'm meant to be, this is me". I feel those words are saying to not listen to the bad things people have to say, even when you've been hurt by people's words in the past, rise above it and show everyone who you are and be proud of it. I know thats so much easier said than done as i'm one for shutting myself down constantly but this song is definitely already inspiring me. My favourite song and one of my favourite scenes from the film is 'Re-write The Stars' - this is a duet between Zac and Zendaya and it portrays two star-crossed lovers who long to be together but are kept apart by the colour of their skin, the song and the scene where they sing it is just so beautiful and as I say, onr of my favourite parts. Another favourite part is toward the end when Hugh (PT Barnum) and Zac (Philip Carlyle) rebuild the circus and perform "The Greatest Show" - this song is incredible and so full of life, any time I listen to it I just want to get up and sing and dance.

All in all this film is phenomenal and i'd highly recommend everyone go and see it if you have a chance!

So there's a little round up of what we got up to and if you'd like to read/follow Fleur's blog, i'll link it for you here! http://fleurdanielle.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Have you been to see The Greatest Showman or listened to the soundtrack? Or seen any other films at the cinema recently? Let me know your thoughts, i'd love to hear from you!

I'll be back again very soon with another post,

                                                          Love Beki x

Hello 2018//2017 Reflection

Hey everyone, first of all HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 2018, a fresh, clean slate - let's see what you have in store! Secondly, I want to apologise (again) for not being active since November time. I've honestly just not had alot of inspiration for any posts and i've been crazy busy at work, but works starting to quieten down now which means hopefully, i'll have more time to post! Thirdly, I want to give you a little insight to what this post will be about. As you can probably tell from the title, this post will be in 2 parts - reflecting on my personal 2017 & looking ahead into 2018 and what I want to achieve/do this year. Hope you enjoy!!

So 2017..it was definitely a year of both ups and downs for me. It was the year I took myself to the doctors and for the first time in 6 years, spoke to someone about my mental health where I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. That was probably the biggest low for me if i'm honest, I found it extremely difficult to take that diagnosis and face it and it had taken alot of courage and support for me to even get to that point. But in a way, I feel as though I can take it as a slight high as it's a bit of a weight off my shoulders to actually have that diagnosis as its allowed me to learn of ways I can help myself, I just have to decide if and when to seek out the help there is.

Another big low point for me was my Grandad's health deteriorating. He has Parkinson's which there is no cure for and he did get worse during 2017. My family definitely do mean alot to me and it's heartbreaking to see someome you care about unwell and knowing there isn't really much you can do to help. But he's still with us and is stil going on as best as he can so there is a positive to this story too.

There were definitely alot more low points throughout the year also but I won't go on about those forever so here's a couple of high points.

I think one of my favourite parts of 2017 was my holiday in September. We went to Club Mac in Alcudia, Majorca, which is where we have been many times but it just gets better every year and I personally can't get enough of it and I can't wait to get back there again at some point. I could so easily go on about this place as it's just in a beautiful location and it's such a great place for a family or friends holiday. They have so much to do on site and there's plenty of shops, restaurants and bars nearby - not to mention the beautiful beach which is only about 15 minutes walking distance from the hotel. It is all inclusive so you have everything you need there already but it is also sometimes nice to get out and see the local area - all depends on the person really I guess!

I also got to see a few theatre shows last year, possibly not quite as many as i'd have liked but I got to see a couple that i'd not seen before which was so exciting and I can't wait for some more theatre trips this year!

Another highlight will always be memories made with friends - both old and new. I think it's so important to value your friends and make time for them when you can and make memories while you're young! Here's to more in 2018. One of my favourite memories has definitely got to be finding out one of my best friends is pregnant. She's due to give birth to a baby girl in April and i'm super excited!

My final highlight is going to be the Collabro tour at the end of the year. Most people who know me know i'm a huge fan of those boys and their tour did not disappoint. Absolutely amazing! If you want to read more about them/their tour, I did a post about their show at the London Palladium in November which i'll link you to here also! http://xolittlefallofrain.blogspot.co.uk/2017/11/an-evening-with-collabro-london.html?m=1

I'm sure there's so much more I could say for 2017 but I want to move on to 2018 instead.

So 2018....lets see what you're going to have in store! It's only 10 days in and I haven't had the best start to a New Year but onwards and upwards.

This year there's a few things i'd like to work toward and hopefully achieve before the year is out. 

I'd like to be able to get my mental health under control a bit more, especially my anxiety as this tends to take over for all sorts of things/reasons but mainly in social situations or new environments where I don't feel comfortable. I'm hoping I can try and get a little better this year, I know I won't fully conquer it by the end of the year but it is something to work toward.

I'd also like to achieve more work wise, whether that's in my current job or in something else who knows yet, just have to wait and see what the year brings I guess!

I'd  also like to continue making as many memories as I can, by myself, with friends, family ...any way really! I'm planning on taking lots of pictures throughout the year so I can capture and document my memories and be able to look back on them and hopefully smile at them! I already have a few things planned so I can't wait to make the memories with different people.

2018 is also a year I want to travel more, I know this may sound typical or cliché, but I do really want to finally take that step and start to see some new places. This is also partly to do with making my anxiety that little bit better and stepping out of my comfort zone. I do have a few places in mind but i'll keep those to myself for now and blog about them at the time providing all goes well!

As a whole, i'm hoping to make 2018 a good year for me and i'm excited and nervous to see what will come from the year and to look back at this post at the end of the year and see if i've managed to achieve any of this and possobly anything else I may achieve! Let me know how your 2017 was and what you hope will come of 2018!

I'll be back very soon with another post and I hope you enjoyed reading this one!

                                                       Love Beki x