Hey guys, welcome back to my blog for a brand new post! I've had a busy week so just doing another quick one today, this post is going to be a letter to a 16 year old me...hope you enjoy!
Dear 16 year old Beki,
You're now 22, time to look back and reflect upon what's happened the past 6 years! It's been one massive journey and a long road to full happiness again, I won't lie to you, you're not quite there yet but keep going, you'll get there soon! 16 is the age you first started to become depressed and anxious, you felt a little different and isolated at times, but that's okay, through the years you'll come to learn that being different is sometimes good and a lot more people than you realise struggle and suffer from all sorts of things!
Don't stress so much over your GCSE's and getting good grades, just get the best you can get and if it's not what you wanted, remember that it isn't the end of the world, you'll still get into college and do the course you wish to do and you'll have ups and downs on that but it'll be some of the best 2 years for you. Just enjoy being a 16 year old and stop worrying about the little things, everything will work out for you one day.
Once your GCSE's are over, you'll go to prom and have a good night with your friends and it'll be a time to celebrate the past and look forward to the future. You may not turn up to prom in a fancy way or have a prom date but that doesn't matter, enjoy the night with your friends, that's what matters! Then you've got summer to look forward to, spend as much time as you can seeing friends as once you start college you may not get as much time. You'll go on holiday too and have a great time, one final chance to relax before college!
Summer over, college begins. You'll be going to Writtle College and studying the Level 3 Extended Diploma in Horse Management just like you wanted to. You'll feel nervous and anxious to start with but you'll be in good company and you'll soon settle in. This course will be great for you, you'll meet new friends, you'll learn new things and just remember to enjoy yourself, time flies by!
Try not to take things to heart so much and try not to care about what others think, this will get easier in time but you're still pretty sensitive now at 22. Just take things one day at a time, every day is a new day with something new to bring, you'll learn over time how to be positive and you'll lose some and gain some friends along the way, but that's all part of life and growing up. You may think now that you're stuck in this depressive state forever, but I promise you're not. Harming yourself isn't worth it either, I know it seems like the only option at times but things get better, listen to some music, block the negativity out, have a little cry if you need to -it's healthy sometimes!
Stay strong, stay smiling and stay positive. You've got an amazing family and some great, supportive friends who'll keep you going. There's a light at the end of the tunnel and you'll get there eventually, just keep on going and look forward to the future instead of dwelling on the past. Chin up, you've got this Beki!
One day, we'll be able to rewrite this and say we've made it, but for now, we'll keep going and keep fighting until we reach the goal.
Good Luck!
Lots of love, 22 year old Beki x
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